Zoë thinks you should know that...

So Huey Morgan proved himself an ungracious loser at the Sony Awards last night, insulting colleagues just because he didn’t get a shiny bauble and a pat on the head. ‘they won’t let a dude from NY’ get an award etc. (Then cue the ‘well, I don’t care about awards anyway!’ addendum. Sure, we really got that from the string of rants you posted up.)

Well, maybe it will cheer you up, dear Huey, to remind you that - splendid on air as you are - you, a pop star, were gifted a plum broadcasting gig while others who had trained hard for years & dreamed of such an opportunity make tea and bag cover shifts for peanuts at Radio Cleethorpes. Hope that makes a poor, ostracised and incredibly fortunate and successful dude from New York feel better.

Diddums.

(And 6music itself got an award! Be proud, Huey, be proud!

PS if you have no idea what the crivens I’m going on about, here’s what happened. (Oh and by the way, it’s apparently Twitter’s fault. IT MADE HIM DO IT.)

Ooh, take me down to Shoreditch city where the stares are blank and the jeans are skinny… Yes, it’s time for the inaugural Artrocker Awards. We’re not in Essex any more, Toto. I hope Guns ‘n’ Roses would approve of my little adaptation there. Luckily It was a while until I felt the need to bellow the lyric that follows (‘oh won’t you please take me home…’) 

It was certainly jolly to hang for a bit with The Jesus And Mary Chain, and see them collect their gong for being generally excellent in every way, and of course John Foxx and Gary Numan. Hurrah.

However, it was only when I returned to my homestead that I heard that my chum and sometime saw instructor John Moore was presented with aftershave and a SCARF. Nobody gave me aftershave and a scarf. I know I’m not in the Jesus and Mary Chain but…

It’s best to aim conversation at my face rather than my bosom, as my bosom rarely listens nor indeed does it pass messages on.

‘Kaythanksbye.

People who are not six but still say ‘yum’ or ‘yummy’ should take a long, hard look at themselves.

… at famous people’s mildly amusing comments are slightly tiresome, aren’t they? 

I’m listening to it happen right now on a radio station that shall remain nameless with a DJ who shall remain nameless and a celebrity who shall also remain nameless. It’s going a bit like this.

Famous person: ‘So then I got on the bus.”

DJ: “PAAAAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant.”

Famous person: “Then I thought about some stuff.”

DJ: “HahahahahaHAAAAAAA! I love it. Then what happened?”

Famous person: “Dunno really.”

DJ: “WHEEEEEEEEZE! Pahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!! This is SO good. *wipes away tears of mirth* etc”

Give me STRENGTH. Oddly enough I interviewed this very interviewee a while ago and he informed me that one of the things he finds most bemusing is when people over-laugh at anything he says that is even slightly jovial. (Naturally, I split my sides.)

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Read more about Zoë and her various exploits here:http://www.zoejhowe.moonfruit.com